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YOU DON’T NEED A MADE MAN

Dear Sista,

It’s March! Happy new month to you. I hope you are already having better experiences this year. This month we will march on the unhealthy preconceptions that we have held unto for so long and march towards a better and healthier life. Now, let’s talk about your ideal man for a minute.

I may not be able to mirror the image on your mind but I’m sure you wouldn’t mind spending forever with a made man. Who is a made man? That man who is secured and settled in all areas of life but marriage. That man who has exceeded the start off phase of life and has settled into his own. He has earned or inherited assets and relationships stable and vibrant enough to ivigorate your career pursuits and secure your financial future together. With him, you’ll have one or two thing(s) less to worry about. Guaranteed and granted, he’s a catch. Believe me, there is absolutely nothing wrong with desiring this sort of man but sis, I’m a bit worried about the ideology that inspired this desire.

Sis, we live in a culture that encourages our dependency on everyone but ourselves and as young girls we have been groomed to have unfair expectations of our men. The unwritten rules says they have to fend, protect, and give us the life we desire while we pay them obeisance and keep them satisfied in all the ways we can as a token of our appreciation of the magnanimous roles they play. Basically, this cultural ideology has locked us up in a tower and despite all the resources within our reach to save ourselves and be a savior to others, we wait, as we have been instructed to, for a prince charming who will come riding on a specific white horse. God forbid his horse is black. God forbid we save ourselves and go spur him wherever he is to see and live up to his potentials as a prince and savior. No. We are told to wait! Sweet sister, this is a trap and you need to break free from this mentality now!

One of my favorite bible characters is Deborah and every time I read about her, I tremble in awe. She fascinates me and I don’t take it for granted that I share her name. I think I share her spirit too. Deborah did it all. Though a woman, she was strong when an entire nation was weak. She was so full of strength, courage and authority that a nation’s army chief could not perform his national duties without her supervision.  She was a national leader of international relevance. Most striking for me is the fact that she etched her name alongside her husband’s in history. Because of her guts, Lapidoth’s name was chronicled in the Scripture. That’s gold!

Sis, all you need is guts! Guts to pursue your dreams and make yourself relevant. Guts to deal with your insecurities and rise to the challenges and cheers your calling. Guts to see and treat yourself as the resourceful woman who has much more to offer than to receive. Guts to accept that your worth is not defined by any man. Guts to realize that you have been empowered to bless and deliver your man to greatness. Guts to strive to bring more to the table than your homemaking skills.  Guts to believe and allow everything including your relationships to strengthen your drive and not limit you. Guts to step up and make your man worth knowing.

In my opinion, sis, you don’t need a made man cause you’ve got the skills to make. Get to work on yourself and prepare to be his crowning glory.

I love you like rabbits love carrots! lol. Grow!

Yours Sincerely,

ALLY

 

 

 

4 comments

  1. Wow! I love this post. I guess it’s because this has always been a promise that I made to myself. ‘I’m never going to settle down with a made man’. I have always said this to my friends and sometimes they take me for a weird person. So I’m really glad that a lady somewhere also thinks this way ‘smiles’. To me, getting married to a made man, is like burying whatever relevance and impact I should have contributed to such marriage and at the long run, I might not be appreciated and respected by my husband.
    I love this girl…More grace on your elbow…Go girl power…

  2. Hmmm. Okay. However, there is absolutely nothing wrong with marrying a made man. Esther married a made man and it gave her the opportunity to bring deliverance to her people. The idea is that we understand and accept that we are value adders and our sense of worth must be detached from the satisfaction any man/human can offer. We must also know that in our diligent pursuit of God’s purpose for our lives, we can bring unprecedented honour to the man/humans in our lives. Joy, we cannot all be Deborah. There’ll be Esthers, Ruths, Sarahs, Rebeccas etc among us. Whoever we are, with whosoever, God has invested too much in us so we have much more to offer than our homemaking skills. PS: If a made man comes your way don’t be quick to refuse him. He might just be your platform for the greater assignment you are not yet aware of. I love you!

  3. Yea, I get your point Deb. But you should know that an average lady will choose to go for a readymade man majorly because of the expedience she has had in her home. A typical Nigerian mother will even prefer a readymade man for her daughter. So you see why people usually think I’m weird whenever I mention the fact that I won’t go for a readymade man. Now the question is, what if a readymade man comes my way? Of course I won’t be quick to reject him simply because of my initial resolve. I’m a Christian and I can always seek God’s help with that. If God says, he is my man, then I’ll have to bend my rule and go for him because I’m sure that God knows what I want and want and what’s best for me. But if the decision was left to me, I’ll rather marry a man that is not made. I want us to build our home and future together.

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