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Dear Sista,

How are you doing? Yesterday was International Women’s Day and though I do not say it as often as I should, I celebrate you. I celebrate the beautiful woman you are and the much more beautiful woman you are becoming. You inspire me in many ways and I’m humbled to know you and be a part of your amazing journey. Sista, note that being a truly amazing woman is an enduring process  of growth, adjustments and readjustments, so keep thirsting for better and never rest your oars. Above all, take up the daily challenge to inspire and be inspired.

Now, let’s talk about reasons.

Sis, I have observed and discovered that too many times we have no substantial reason(s) for yielding to certain agreements. We often commit to processes without proper motivations or persuasions. Most times, all we simply do is concede to the demands of conventionality.

I come from a family of quite deep saints who believe strongly in the need to be persuaded before embarking on anything. Yet, with all the depth, my placement in life per time is measured against the concept of time. Everyone is busy monitoring time for my sake and tracking my progress through the seasons of life. There is an expectation at every age and phase and I cannot afford to fall short. I am not permitted to break, skip or fail in progressing through the designed circle. It’s a ritual and there are simple no excuses. However, though this “timing through time” can be a good thing, it should not be the primary reason for committing to an enduring relationship like marriage.

Sis, I have seen the desperation to conform to societal standards and expectations become the end of beautiful lives and vibrant dreams. I don’t want you to be a victim. So, upfront, ask yourself basic questions like Why did I agree to that proposal?and Why did I agree when I did? If you cannot soundly defend your commitment, at least to yourself, problem looms. Sis, people can monitor, rebuke, despise and counsel all they like but note that for every decision you make, you are the first to bear and the most affected by the consequences. Therefore, you must be led by your persuasions, and prepare for the aftermath.

Truth is, the fact that everyone in your peer group is walking down the aisle this year is NO valid reason to put yourself under unnecessary pressure and settle for any proposal. She who believes will not make haste. I know you have other worries but really, the thought of ending up alone or “what will people say” are some indices of insecurity that you must deal with now. Besides, marriage does not cure loneliness. In fact, you can share intimacy with someone and still feel lonely.

Sis, you are simply too loved to endure what was designed for your enjoyment and too valuable to end up in a relationship that reduces you to a mere source of sexual and stomach gratification. My caution is simple, wait!

If you are not persuaded or prepared for the journey that begins at the end of the aisle, wait! If you are not sure of why you gave or are giving consent, wait! If you are under pressure to make a choice, wait! When in doubt, wait! Just allow the time trial.

Sista, please know and note that being single at whatever age is not a disease and being married early enough guarantees nothing. Also note that a successful wedding is not equivalent to a successful marriage. So, if he’s not right, don’t settle and don’t let anything or anyone impair your sense of judgment. Don’t join yourself to a man just because a “deadline” has been set for your marriage. It’s your life, your choice, your consequences.

Why yes? Why him? Why now? If you cannot answer why, WAIT!

I want to see you become all you’re made to be. No inhibitions!

I love you.

Yours Sincerely,




  1. Wow! I love this. Nice one Deb…more grace..I just hope they will listen because sisters nowadays are desperate for marriage. They cannot afford to be left out of thier equals and they easily succumb to the pressure all around them. God help us.

  2. Nice piece “Shewrites” a question pls, how can we help the upcoming generation to believe us because ours isn’t helping them, prayers? More pieces(write up) or public chastisement?
    Thanks deary.

    • Hi Wumi, well, there is no guaranteed effective one-way strategy for passing messages across to a wide spectrum of people. While some will yield to persuasion, others will to instruction. In the end, everyone will learn from experience but only the smart and lucky ones will learn more from the experiences of others. What to do? Everything, every how, and every where. Something will work for someone. And yes, prayer is important. It works for/on everyone. I hope I tried to answer your question? Thanks you sweets

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